Hi all,
I shared last week about how I first got vertigo, always only happening when I’m very tired physically.
It happened last March (2017) in Lithuania. We were at a house church in beautiful Klaipeda, Lithuania. I looked up towards the ceiling in worship, and suddenly I couldn’t tell up from down. That time made me nauseous and I ran to the bathroom and vomited the wonderful lunch we had just eaten. I received prayer from everyone there, and was better after awhile, but it shook me hard, that it had come on me mid-way through a busy trip.
Here I was May of 2018 more than a year later at our Dutch conference and it hit again.
At the Dutch conference
It was Friday night and an amazing time in deep worship as we expressed our love to the Lord, and then He sang over us prophetically through some spiritual songs Brian moved in (Brian, our youngest son, was leading worship). Then my eyes were opened to His realm and the Lord was there, walking in our midst, laying hands on people, healing emotions and hurts, taking away deep grief and touching long buried and deeply personal hurts and pains…but He told me when I asked if He would lay hands on me, “No. I’m here to minister to hearts and souls. You did it to yourself.”
Saturday morning the vertigo was still there, stronger than ever. I had about 5 hours sleep that night, and that was interrupted 2x in those 5 hours because the bathroom had a motion activated light that came on when the bathroom door was opened, and could not be deactivated manually. Suddenly the room would light up bright as day in the middle of the night, so we were both jolted wide awake until we could settle down again and sleep, lol.
I was nauseous that morning, but once the dry heaves were over felt a little better, but it still took all my concentration to put one foot in front of the other and remain upright as I walked. I made it through the Saturday morning session, teaching seated rather than standing, explaining to everyone briefly about the vertigo, and then we broke for lunch.
I just went back to the room to lie down, asking others to lead the question/answer afternoon session about house church.
What the Father said
I was on the bed, on my left side because if I turned to my right side the vertigo hit. I asked the Father why the Lord hadn’t healed me the night before when He was there. Why did He tell me ‘You did it to yourself’? He immediately replied:
“You did it to yourself. I’ve been dealing with you for some time about taking a full day off each week, but you haven’t obeyed.”
I replied, “But Father, since I was a teenager I’ve been saying for myself what they said of Moses: ‘His eye was not dim nor his natural force abated’*. So my body should listen to me on this like it does on other things.” (My eyesight is better than 20/20, I’ve never had a cavity, and I can outwork most men my age and lack no energy even now at age 60). *(Dt 34:7)
He replied with something I’ve never heard Him say before: “That’s true, but your body is going the way of the earth, and you need to learn to adjust.” That was a shock, but consistent with what I’ve been seeking answers about for the last few years; the balance between healing and the aging process. I still expect to face my latter years with good health and full energy, He wasn’t saying I wouldn’t. But He was saying I am getting older and the body is ‘going the way of the earth’, and to adjust.
When I get a prayer request from say, a daughter asking for healing for her 97 year old Christian mom, I pause not knowing whether to immediately ask the Father for healing, or if it is her time to go home and the daughter’s request was more out of not wanting to deal with the death of her beloved mother. I’ve long sought to know the balance between aging and healing. Where is the line between the body ‘going the way of the earth’ and with it gaining heaven, versus healing?
Having the Father tell me my body was going the way of the earth and I needed to learn to adjust highlighted a new focus – learning to adjust. Hmmm….not just adjusting, but learning how to adjust…a process once again!
But wait, there’s more…
But He continued: “You should listen to your wife. Barb knows how to take a day of rest and has been telling you for some time to do so. She has been my confirming voice in this (that I’ve been dealing with you internally and privately about for quite some time.) But you haven’t listened. You’ll have to walk this one out.”
But I don’t want to ‘walk this one out’!
In I Corinthians 6:18 Paul shares a principle which in context is about sexual sin, but is applicable to sins against the body in general:
“(All manner) of other sins a person sins are outside the body; but whoever sins sexually, that is a sin against their own body.”
The principle he brings out is that sins against the body manifest in the body – things we do to ourselves. We know this instinctively – the smoker who gets emphysema or lung cancer, the obese person who has troubles in their joints and feet, and for minor things we’ve all worked ourselves or stressed ourselves to the point of headaches or fuzzy thoughts, dehydration or near fainting – if we sin against the body that sin will manifest in the body.
The Atrial Fibrillation (AFib) I’ve been dealing with the last 3 years is something I did to myself – it was a hot day of 115 F, (46C), I was working hard, fully clothed, pushing myself as usual, dehydrated a bit…and suddenly felt a rush in my chest, felt faint and had to sit down, my heart fluttered…and later I found out I had put the heart into AFib.
I recovered quickly and would not know I had it but for a medical exam a few months later – and I trust that will be corrected medically later this year, but I did it to myself. The same with vertigo…the Father had been dealing with me about taking a day off every week, and it is a new skill…I’ve been one to go to bed at 11 or 12, get up and for the day by 5 or 6am…doing that on a day off…how to define that….hmmmm.
There are many examples in the New Testament that will help us find that dividing line between expecting healing from heaven and walking it out – and that is next week, until then, blessings,
John Fenn
