Hi all,
I’ve been sharing about loving someone’s soul or spirit, maintaining boundaries, and the differences between loving one’s spirit and loving one’s soul.
“I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless to the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ.” I Thessalonians 5: 23 We are a trinity as we were created in God’s image.
In the same way scripture speaks* of the ‘love of the Spirit’, a person can focus on and truly love and fellowship with the Holy Spirit within. At the same time, many relate to Jesus and feel a camaraderie with Him for the hardships in their life, that they relate to hardships in Jesus’ life. And many love the Father and focus their fellowship with Him. But all 3 elements I just wrote are possible at the same time within 1 person. *Romans 15:30, Philippians 2:1
So too is marriage when you love your spouse’s spirit, soul, and body. All 3 elements are contained within the covenant of marriage and that couple’s mutually shared love.
One night stand?
What culture confuses is the love of the flesh (body) while ignoring the consequences in the soul. The ‘walk of shame’ highlights that exact thing. The dirtiness felt in one’s spirit, their soul regretting the tryst, and their body wondering how they allowed themselves to do such a thing.
Attraction is initially of the soul; instant and emotional, it gets the mind and heart racing. Love, however, is long-term and comprises at least three core elements: Intimacy (spirit), passion (soul), and commitment (body). Hebrews 4:12-13 tells us the human heart consists of spirit and soul together, which only the Person of the Sword of the Spirit (Jesus) can see.
Physically speaking, every man and woman knows themselves well enough to know what attracts them to the opposite sex. It is interesting in Isaiah’s prophecy of Messiah, the Father makes sure to include this fact: “He has no beauty nor appearance that we should take pleasure in him.” Isaiah 53: 2
The Father rules out physical attraction in His Son to draw people to salvation. If you love Jesus, it won’t be because of His looks. I’ve shared in Pursuing the Seasons of God how surprised I was by how plain and average-looking Jesus is. If you see a picture of Jesus as a handsome Caucasian with chiseled features, the person who drew it was in the flesh.
Soul Ties
This has become part of Christian-speak for the real consequences of sex outside of marriage, and in some cases, non-sexual but deeply romantic (soul) feelings toward someone.
The teaching about soul ties can become off balance. For instance, the teaching that when a man and woman have sex outside of marriage, a new spiritual baby is created even when no physical conception happens. But in general, it is Christian-speak for when a relationship ends, but the connections to that person in the emotional realm remain.
Paul wrote in I Corinthians 6: 15-18 that sex with a (temple) prostitute means you become one body with them. Then he wrote that we are joined spiritually to the Lord, now being one with Him in Christ. Therefore, sexual sins are sins against the body. Other sins aren’t always against the body, but sexual sin (and other sins, are, ie smoking, overeating, etc.)
That means sexual sin will manifest in the body. That can range from STDs to the emotional toll on one’s mental health and ability to connect emotionally with someone in the future. That’s where soul ties enter the picture, but not just through sexual union, for soul ties are not necessarily sexual. They are the emotional ties connecting two people that are not easily broken.
Signs of soul ties include difficulty letting go, unresolved issues dominating your thoughts and feelings, and even feeling drained and fatigued. The person has loved someone else’s soul, maybe their body, and those memories and feelings remain. This can even lead to physical feelings and sensations – all because they sinned against their body, but also manifesting in their soul.
Therefore, getting over soul ties, being healed from them, involves steps in the natural and emotional. First, of course, is to recognize that what went on was not healthy. That awareness coupled with the desire to heal and keep things right are key. Setting boundaries with the person is vital. Otherwise, every contact is like reopening a wound. Forgiving them and/or yourself is very important, for most of us are our own worst enemies. Remember that forgiveness is, first and foremost, a decision, not an emotion. “As you stand praying, forgive” means it is a decision (Mark 11: 25)
At some point, the person must turn towards thanksgiving for the lesson learned and for the Father’s faithfulness in bringing them through it. Gratitude comes when a person can recognize the lesson learned, but it must be initiated, as it won’t happen naturally.
You have to turn yourself towards ‘What have I learned?’ and ‘I am thankful for my personal growth.’ That’s where spending time in the Lord’s presence allows the healing to happen. In His presence there is no lack, there is no impurity, and His presence has a washing effect – find where you have most often connected with the Lord – worship, taking a drive or walk, working in the garden, go to that place spiritually and if you need to, physically get yourself to the place and that state of worship and fellowship that allows His wholeness to become your wholeness.
Healthy love of one’s spirit or soul or body is seen in scripture next week.
Until then, blessings,
John Fenn
