Hi all,
Some personal good news: The much delayed personalized ‘1 arm drive’ wheelchair has been delivered much to our relief. This testimony kicks off the theme of this newsletter, which is looking for the Father’s timing and ‘winks’ to let us know He is ordering our steps – but we have to look for them.
As I write this, Barb and I are about to return to our home town of Kokomo, Indiana for my 50th high school reunion followed by Barb’s family reunion. In between we will see friends and relatives, and probably eat way too much. Chris has had just one ‘1 arm drive’ wheelchair, which has been much repaired and could break at any moment. He only has the use of his right arm, and this wheelchair has a lever that he pumps forward and backward, propelling the chair. The handle is also connected to the right front wheel, allowing him to turn the chair. It gives him some degree of independence.
We did not want to leave for a week and be 1,000 miles away (1610km) to get a call that his chair had broken. We had ordered a chair only to be told, due to issues in Mexico where it is assembled, they could not promise a delivery within 2-3 months. I found a company online and about a month ago ordered from them – and just before we leave, though delayed, this 2nd chair arrived last night. My prayer with the Father had been simple, exactly what I said above. I also told Him “I know you order our steps, so if we go on the trip then I trust the current chair will not break down while we are away, but if it comes before we leave I’d be much relieved.”
My point here is that we have to look for His timing in our lives. They don’t jump up and scream ‘The Father did this!!’ Another example is from today. I got Chris this morning from the group home, and as is our pattern, I give him the choice of where he wants to have lunch. Barb was making a pasta dish for the evening meal, so I told Chris we could do burritos, or pizza, though we are having pasta tonight, or something with mashed potatoes and gravy. Chris loves gravy; it could be Vitamin G in his diet lol. “The Main Street Cafe” near us in Miami, Oklahoma was it. The waitresses know us, know the pattern, so there we headed.
Upon arriving, we got a seat, and they said we came just in time because a Corvette Club was coming with 25 people for lunch. Corvettes are some of Chris’ favorite cars, along with Ford Mustangs and Dodge Challengers. He ate his salad, and then the hamburger steak came, with brown gravy over the top, mashed potatoes, and green beans. He lifted his fork to take a first bite, and that’s when the Corvettes arrived. For the next 45 minutes, we looked out the window at the parked cars and Chris talking non-stop about them. We boxed up his lunch, and he did calm down enough to eat a chocolate cream pie.
One might call it lucky that we just happened to pick that restaurant, where we hadn’t eaten in maybe 3 months, on that day, to give Chris a thrill he is still talking about. After we left the Cafe, we walked around/rolled around, going to each car and talking about its color, if it had a stripe, if it had a wing on the back, and so on….
The wheelchair being delivered when I was told it would be another month wasn’t luck; it was the Father moving things or ordering our steps and trip and such to get us the chair to give us one less thing on our mind. Eating there at that moment, the Northwest Arkansas Corvette Club decided to cruise Route 66 through Miami, Oklahoma; was the Father doing things to please Chris? He does that all the time, and Chris gives the proper thanks in acknowledgment.
Measuring our walk when those ‘God winks’ aren’t always obvious
Many use terms like ‘going through a wilderness’ or ‘heaven feels like brass’, which are emotions expressed when we don’t sense His presence or we haven’t received direction. Human nature tends to wonder what have I done wrong, what’s wrong with me, is He mad at me, and other self-focused questions. It is difficult to stop, get eyes of self, and purposely look for evidence of the Father’s timing and provision. Sometimes you have to look with a magnifying glass, it feels like, but once you see His timing or provision, it suddenly makes sense.
His silence can feel like He has abandoned us, but perhaps He is waiting for you to notice a provision you didn’t want to be a provision. Like a surgery rather than just zapping you back to health. Like a prompting to call the creditor when you’re praying He will tell them to forgive the debt or someone would be commanded to pay off your debt. Consider also: “Be still and know that I am God” from Psalm 46:1. Perhaps He is silent because you are being asked to go deeper in Him.
Consider also: The silence may be preparation time for you, for something you are about to face. A time to gather spiritual strength, center, focus, think through the coming days. It could also be you are the answer, in that you know what to do but don’t want to do it. His silence is forcing you to do what you would rather have Him zap away for you. Look for the provision even if that provision isn’t in the form you want.
He is often silent because He laid it all out for us, expecting us to grow up and make use of His provision – to see and be thankful. Unfortunately, human nature is to be like ancient Israel, who ate the manna and complained it wasn’t the type of bread they wanted. Yes, it satisfied their appetite, but it wasn’t what they wanted. We might think of a person providing all the ingredients and equipment needed to prepare a gourmet meal for the student chef, plus instructions and recipes. What if that chef then stands there and asks, “Are you sure you want this meal?” “Are you sure these things are really for me?” How frustrating would that be for the provider of the food, kitchen, recipes, and other instructions? Such a teacher would not give in to the student’s laziness and fear and doubts. A good teacher would stand by in silent observation, letting the student chef overcome their questions and attitude and start using their brains to put all the pieces of the meal together so they could learn and grow.
What to do? Worship
There are many reasons heaven may be silent, but worship is key during those times. Not thanks, not praise, but deep, pouring out the heart in worship. Worship brings His presence. Eyes off self, eyes on Him, worship is all about Him. Thanks is ‘me’ oriented, giving thanks for what He has done. Praise is about Him, but doesn’t always touch on loving on Him just for Him being Him. Worship is about Him being who He is. In The Revelation 4: 8 we see this: “Holy, holy, holy Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come.” Nothing about us, nothing about what He has already done. Just….loving Him…holy, holy, holy… and in 5: 13 all created beings saying: “Blessings and honor and glory and power be to Him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb for ever and ever.”
The Greek word ‘worship’ that Jesus used in John 4:24 to say the Father is looking for those who will worship Him from their spirit in truth (no ulterior motives), is ‘proskuneo’, literally meaning ‘to kiss towards’ (God). From your innermost being, express adoration, love, spiritually ‘kissing’ the Lord. Press in until you sense His presence. You’ll find He was there all along, and you will have learned some things while going deeper in him.
From Brian:
I’ve been busy working on the infrastructure of the CWOWI house church network. My heart has always been to help people start house churches and connect them into a thriving network. One exciting project is a secure communication app I’ve been developing with my close friend Daniel, a technology expert. The vision is to give affiliated CWOWI house church leaders a simple way to communicate, create their own group conversations, and stay connected—all while keeping ownership of our own data rather than relying on large technology companies. House church is personal, and we believe our communication should be private—not out of fear or secrecy, but because privacy is a God-given human responsibility. I believe this will one day become the backbone of communication for our house church family around the world.
Another milestone this year has been the release of my book, Resilient Faith, where I share my journey of deconstructing and rebuilding my faith during my years in law enforcement. If you’ve read and enjoyed it, would you consider leaving a brief review on Amazon? Reviews help more people discover the book—not simply to increase sales, but to place this ministry resource into the hands of those who need it.
I’ve also really enjoyed recording our new CWOWI Podcast with my dad (on YouTube). Every other week we’re sitting down to discuss topics that many believers are curious about but don’t often hear addressed—from AI and current events to end-times questions and other thought-provoking subjects. If you haven’t listened yet, we’d love for you to join us.
Amy and I continue to be amazed at our daughters. Time really does move quickly. Ellie is nearly finished with college, and Hailey is preparing to graduate from high school. One of our greatest joys is watching them become remarkable young women who know how to hear the Lord’s voice and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. God has wonderful things ahead for them.
It has now been about four months since the unexpected passing of my brother Jason (John & Barb’s middle son and my older brother). Just a couple of days ago, one of his favorite songs came on the radio, and I found myself in tears again. Grief isn’t something we simply “finish”; it comes in unexpected waves. Yet I remain deeply thankful for the hope we have in Christ and the promise of reunion. As Hebrews 6:19 reminds us, “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
Finally, Amy and I are turning our attention to the October CWOWI Conference here in Tulsa. More than an event, our prayer is that it will be a genuine gathering—a time of fellowship, encouragement, celebration, and hearing what the Lord is saying to our house church family. We hope to see many of you there!
Tulsa conference October 15-18. We’ve expanded our capacity due to registration numbers. Consider coming!
KWOWI Kids: Did you know that your monthly support of the children of the house churches equal 1/3 to ½ of the average monthly income in rural Kenya? True. Your support helps vulnerable children and contributes to the overall well-being of the whole family. Thank you!
We truly appreciate those who take part of their hard-earned money and make the choice to donate for our support. We don’t have staff to answer emails, we do it ourselves. Our family appreciates you and your family, and I do pray for all those prayer requests, feeling a real connection to you.
Thank you for being in our lives – we mean it truly.
Blessings,
John & Barb, Brian & Amy
